My heart goes out to every woman faced with a less than perfect relationship with her own mother and who may have fears of motherhood. I want to encourage those women by saying, “How we were mothered does not have to define our own mothering.”
That had always been a fear of mine. “What if I withdraw from my children as my mom did from me?” There are other fears of motherhood I experience sometimes, but I no longer have that particular fear. God freed me from that by a scripture verse He gave me while pregnant with my third child: “There is no fear in love” (1 John 4:18).
I would say to myself, over and over, “I love my children. I will not fear.”
This verse has put in motion the building of a godly legacy for my children. I have been reading a book by Francine Rivers titled, A Lineage of Grace. She writes about some of the most significant women in the Bible. Rivers takes biblical truth and expounds on it a bit to create such a beautiful story of these brave women.
I found myself acknowledging the fact that my mom did not leave a strong legacy for me to hang onto when I felt weak. I did not feel saddened by this, however; I felt encouraged and determined to do my best at leaving a strong, dignified legacy for my children. I want my sons to know how to identify a strong, godly woman when it comes time for them to marry. I want my daughter to know how to behave as a strong, godly woman all through her life. This is the desire that burns greatly in me.
My goal is to never give my children the opportunity to feel ashamed or embarrassed by their mom. My mother did not have that goal. I’m sure she did not set out to shame me; however, her actions did not just affect her.
My mom was very loving in her own way and she possessed a quiet strength. I had no doubt that she was a fighter. Unfortunately, she always fought with her own strength. She never leaned on God’s strength to help her fight her battles and lead her to victory. No; sadly, she never saw victory. Over time, defeat wore her down. She gave up the fight.
Many times I am weary. But I make sure that my children see me fighting with God’s armor covering me and my family during our times of battle. There are times where I just don’t feel like praying. Then I look over the kitchen table and see those sweet faces waiting for me to dish out their portion of blessing for the day. After we have a chat about God, I realize that my act of obedience has inevitably put me in the mood to pray. Funny how God uses my children to “teach” me as well.
I have been so blessed to be able to tell my story in the book, Journeys To Mother Love. Writing part of my story and having it published for all to see has been an exciting, scary, fulfilling adventure.
Reading the other women’s stories in this book has let me know, once again, that I am not alone. I was not the only girl experiencing emotional disconnect with her mom. I am not the only one who has wished this fact were not so.
~ Treva Brown